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#1 Druid TC

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 09:15 AM

Moogle-girl has successfully ignited the craze for forum-fiction, and inspired my to write my own. So here goes. I have a host of ideas, but I don't know how long this is going to pan out to be. The prologue, I know, isn't GMC-specific, but it will be. Just wait for later chapters.

It follows the stories of several members, as they are faced with an evil of great magnitude.

Don't expect it to be updated too often; school starts tomorrow so I'm unsure how much free time will be available to me.

OWING TO RECENT PROBLEMS WITH POST CHARACTER LIMITS, THE STORY IS NOW HOSTED AT GOOGLE DOCS, AND IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE FORUM. LINKS TO EACH PART ARE AS FOLLOWS.

Full Story - https://docs.google....Q1pwQ25vS0NSeFk

Prologue - https://docs.google....5VCpafYkq0/edit

Chapter 1 - https://docs.google....6Zouvfu9eY/edit

Chapter 2 - https://docs.google....q4GLkDtDG4/edit

Chapter 3 - https://docs.google....OCM6M-CUVk/edit

Chapter 4 - https://docs.google....SGjV6KKuA8/edit

Chapter 5 - https://docs.google....m3BtJDvqC4/edit

Chapter 6 - https://docs.google....bDzg9NaVRk/edit

Chapter 7 - https://docs.google....uGKCPcpNhI/edit

Chapter 8 - https://docs.google....tNw8ArQpsY/edit

Chapter 9 - https://docs.google....3HcTkb2bF4/edit

Chapter 10 - https://docs.google....GD2rSS_3LI/edit

Edited by Druid TC, 29 September 2012 - 05:10 PM.

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#2 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 01:43 PM

... o:

Not bad...not bad at all. Your descriptions are excellent; they do a very good job of painting a picture quickly and efficiently, especially in the beginning. I mean, wow, the prologue had me hooked already just because of that. XP It does sort of remind me of my own story, but I think that's really just because a well-known admin was murdered by someone they can't track at the moment, and you've done a fine job of making this story your own all the same.

I'm trying to think of something you could improve, just because I know I'd appreciate the same, but it's not easy. Really the only thing I can think of at the moment is that nothing much really happens in each chapter, so I don't think you have to separate what you've got so much, but that's more of a minor thing.

All in all, I'm intrigued and curious as to where you're going with this, and I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapter. :3
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#3 Druid TC

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 03:46 PM

... o:

Not bad...not bad at all. Your descriptions are excellent; they do a very good job of painting a picture quickly and efficiently, especially in the beginning. I mean, wow, the prologue had me hooked already just because of that. XP It does sort of remind me of my own story, but I think that's really just because a well-known admin was murdered by someone they can't track at the moment, and you've done a fine job of making this story your own all the same.

I'm trying to think of something you could improve, just because I know I'd appreciate the same, but it's not easy. Really the only thing I can think of at the moment is that nothing much really happens in each chapter, so I don't think you have to separate what you've got so much, but that's more of a minor thing.

All in all, I'm intrigued and curious as to where you're going with this, and I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapter. :3


Thank you very much. As for the pacing comment, I have always struggled with making my stories long enough. Whenever in the past I have tried writing, it ends up concluded within several pages, so I'm making an effort here to control my pacing and include more descriptions.

The story is well written, good word choice, perfect!
And with me as a big role in chapter one it makes it even better. :turned:


So you're happy with the way you're presented? Good. I wouldn't want to offend anyone. :thumbsup:

Is it this guy from the "Unamed User" topic
(White Space)
SatanChild666


No. This is based on a different series of events. When there are already two stories (that I know of) based on Unnamed User, I think it would be both disrespectful and unoriginal to make a third.

So thanks for the kind comments guys. Chapter three is under way, but may not be finished until tomorrow. And in it our newest main character:

Spoiler


will discover:

Spoiler


Well there's chapter three. Personally, it is my second-favourite so far, behind the prologue.

Edited by Druid TC, 06 September 2012 - 09:18 PM.

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#4 makerofthegames

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 05:34 AM

..debating on whether or not I want to meet up with speedchuck and film Chapter 3 for the proverbial somethings and giggles. :tongue: If we do, it won't be until Fall Break.

Edited by makerofthegames, 06 September 2012 - 05:34 AM.

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#5 speedchuck

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 12:32 PM

..debating on whether or not I want to meet up with speedchuck and film Chapter 3 for the proverbial somethings and giggles. :tongue: If we do, it won't be until Fall Break.

Oh gosh, that would be fun. :D
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#6 Insert Name Here

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 01:30 PM

Where did my post go?!?
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I found this awesome 3D modeling site called voxelbuilder.com. It's is remarkably easy to use!
MARIO & Luigi 4: Corrupted
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#7 Insert Name Here

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 02:46 PM

Because you tried to take over this story.
With your satanchild crap.... :sleep:


I was GUESSING who he was.
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I found this awesome 3D modeling site called voxelbuilder.com. It's is remarkably easy to use!
MARIO & Luigi 4: Corrupted
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#8 Druid TC

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 03:41 PM

Where did my post go?!?


Because you tried to take over this story.
With your satanchild crap.... :sleep:


Actually I think it may have been at least in part due to the expanse of white space you now seem to consider a fundamental aspect of every post you make.
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#9 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 04:30 PM

.....

Nice cliffhanger...o_O

*sits and not-so-patiently waits for more chapters*
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#10 Lukasmah

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 06:48 PM

This and Moogle's story make me feel inferior.

I'm pretty good at writing at my first language, but not at English.

Druid, Moogle, is English your first language?
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#11 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 06:52 PM

Druid, Moogle, is English your first language?

*nods*

A quick tip: don't worry about whether your writing is good or not. Just write. You'll get better with practice. :3

Edited by Moogle-Girl, 06 September 2012 - 06:52 PM.

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#12 pupo

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 06:54 PM

My first language is Spanish. If I knew less English I would write in Spanish then use google translate, meh, or just wright in Spanish and hope all Spanish people will read.
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Farewell GMC, in my memory you will live on for all eternity. PEACE

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4#%/6&D2*¥+ TRANSMISION FROM THE FUTURE RECEIVED - =  PUPO'S MODERN PROFILE EQUIVALENT

#13 Druid TC

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 06:57 PM

This and Moogle's story make me feel inferior.

I'm pretty good at writing at my first language, but not at English.

Druid, Moogle, is English your first language?


Yes, English is my first, but I don't think a less-than perfect grasp of any language should inhibit your creativity. If you want to learn English, practising by writing stories would be a certainly excellent way. But from reading your posts, I'd say you have a perfectly adequate grasp already. Anyway, I'm sure you're not the only Croatian-speaker and would get at lest a small audience even if you did write in Croatian.
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#14 Lukasmah

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 07:05 PM

Thank you Moogle and Druid, and no, I'm not only Croatian speaker.
Those a good advices, but I'm still working on my croatian writing skill.
I always liked writing crazy stuff, and when I found out about homestuck, I thought:
Finally a good read that is also as weird as my stories.
(Yup, I pretty much write stories that are nearly as/equally STRANGE as homestuck, but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay shorter and, unlike homestuck, not at all COMPLICATED)
I'm pretty satisfied with a story about a human sacrifising himself to save everyone from invasion of inteligent cheese army.

I speak English, Croatian and Polnish fluently, and understand German, but can't speak it. (strange, isn't it)

Edited by Lukasmah, 06 September 2012 - 07:06 PM.

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#15 Druid TC

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 07:09 PM

I speak English, Croatian and Polnish fluently, and understand German, but can't speak it. (strange, isn't it)


My mum is the same as you with the German; she understands Spanish but cannot speak it.

Well with language skills like that I'm sure you'll have no trouble. I only speak English, with a half-grasp of French (plus the few token words and phrases from round that world that I picked up from movies etc.).
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#16 Lukasmah

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 07:12 PM

I speak English, Croatian and Polnish fluently, and understand German, but can't speak it. (strange, isn't it)

Well with language skills like that I'm sure you'll have no trouble.

Actually, they are not really that big as I have two first languages, Polnish being one of them, and because I'm in contact with German from my birth (altrough not being taught German since my birth :D).
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#17 Druid TC

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 08:22 PM

Well chapter four has been added. It's quite short, relative to the others, but it introduces both a new character and a new potential suspect.
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#18 Druid TC

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 08:43 PM

-I don't think Speedchuck is a young boy.


Yeah, that issue gives me a fair fair bit of friction as well, but I'm not sure it would sound right if I were to say 'young man'. How about 'scrawny teenager'?

-You accidentally spelled "In" as "It"


Totally missed that, even on my second read-through. Thanks!

I love chapter 4, it is so cantavanda-ish, and it really shows what I would do, unlike the crying scenes in chapter 1 :tongue: (or the prologue I don't remember)


Lol, glad you appreciate it. :)
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#19 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 08:45 PM

Drunk Fawful is the best thing.

Spoiler


I would agree with Cantavanda on his brilliant IC-ness, but that'd be kind of silly, since, y'know, who knows better than him? XD

Anyway, I commend you on another great chapter. It was very short, but what was there was still a very entertaining read. :3
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#20 Lukasmah

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 08:49 PM

Those forum fictions (stories, comics etc) inspired me to make this:
Posted Image
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#21 speedchuck

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 09:04 PM

-I don't think Speedchuck is a young boy.


Yeah, that issue gives me a fair fair bit of friction as well, but I'm not sure it would sound right if I were to say 'young man'. How about 'scrawny teenager'?

How about man-child? :D I suppose any of those descriptions fit. Doesn't matter now, though, for I am probably dead. <_<
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#22 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 09:06 PM

Drunk Fawful is the best thing.

Spoiler


I would agree with Cantavanda on his brilliant IC-ness, but that'd be kind of silly, since, y'know, who knows better than him? XD

Anyway, I commend you on another great chapter. It was very short, but what was there was still a very entertaining read. :3

I am so smart, yes... nobody knows better then me... yes...uhm... what do you mean with IC-ness? :confused:

Oh, sorry, IC stands for in-character. :3
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#23 makerofthegames

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 10:23 PM

-I don't think Speedchuck is a young boy.


Yeah, that issue gives me a fair fair bit of friction as well, but I'm not sure it would sound right if I were to say 'young man'. How about 'scrawny teenager'?

Funfact, Speedchuck is a black belt in karate, and stands almost as tall as I do (within an inch) and I'm around 6 foot 2. Sure we're thin, but scrawny does not apply here. :tongue:
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#24 Druid TC

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Posted 06 September 2012 - 10:30 PM

Funfact, Speedchuck is a black belt in karate, and stands almost as tall as I do (within an inch) and I'm around 6 foot 2. Sure we're thin, but scrawny does not apply here. :tongue:


How about 'tall yet youthful figure' then?

And can I ask what style of Karate? I practise Shotokan myself (but am still a lowly 5TH Kyu).
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#25 speedchuck

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Posted 07 September 2012 - 01:29 AM

Funfact, Speedchuck is a black belt in karate, and stands almost as tall as I do (within an inch) and I'm around 6 foot 2. Sure we're thin, but scrawny does not apply here. :tongue:


How about 'tall yet youthful figure' then?

And can I ask what style of Karate? I practise Shotokan myself (but am still a lowly 5TH Kyu).

Tae Kwon Do and a little bit of basic Karate, 2nd Degree black belt. That's actually the reason for my name, 'speedchuck'. A more lightweight, quicker version of the nunchucks is my weapon of choice.

Edit: But it doesn't matter that much, if you worry about getting everything correct for all characters (that you've never met), then you are going a bit overboard. :P

Edited by speedchuck, 07 September 2012 - 01:32 AM.

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#26 DJ Vinyl Scratch

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Posted 07 September 2012 - 01:59 AM

I feel like I'm the "scrawny teenager" somehow. I'm 5'11, yet 12, so people might confuse me for a "scrawny teenager".

I support gay marriage. 

I also support random humor.


#27 PoniesForPeace

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Posted 07 September 2012 - 02:18 AM

Maybe it was another sultry female who had stumbled across his profile and wanted his email address. He certainly hoped so; it was fun to give two of them each other’s details and watch the bounce back and forth.


Would this certain "female" be under the name of mambo1?
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#28 Druid TC

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Posted 07 September 2012 - 11:32 PM

Chapter five has been completed and added to the first post. It's another relatively short one, but I enjoyed writing it. Please note that it's after midnight here and I'm quite tired and was making a lot of typos while composing it. If you find any I missed, please leave a reply. Hope you like it :) .
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#29 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 07 September 2012 - 11:37 PM

...

I'm not entirely sure what just happened but it was awesome.
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#30 makerofthegames

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 12:06 AM

-CHAPTER 5-

Spoiler

Spoiler


If speedchuck and I do the chapter 3, we'll definitely do this one aswell, and I actually know how I'd film it...There would be no dialogue, the narration would still be there, and you'd just see me spazzing out on the floor like I'm having several seizures.
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#31 speedchuck

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 03:11 AM

Chapter 5 was awesome. The imagery was a bit overwhelming, but I think that was what you tried for. It was cool!
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#32 Druid TC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 04:14 PM

Also, what does the topic name have to do with the story? Will we ever find out?


Yes. Within the next three or so chapters.

Chapter six has now been added to the first post. Reputation for whoever spots the Green Wing reference first.
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#33 speedchuck

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 04:31 PM

Wow, I must have been angry to mutilate a body like that... Go figure. Yes, I know I'm dead.
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#34 Druid TC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 09:18 PM

There's chapter seven. There is a reason it's so short: I had originally planned for it to act as more of a prologue to the whole chapter, but I think it can stand on its own for now. Once I have finished what would have been the other half, I may or may not join them together.
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#35 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 09:23 PM

ohhhh snap

I gotta say, you're good at leaving cliffhangers that really leave the reader wanting more. :3

Something I caught in the first paragraph:

The forum its self

*itself :P
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#36 Druid TC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 09:28 PM

ohhhh snap

I gotta say, you're good at leaving cliffhangers that really leave the reader wanting more. :3

Something I caught in the first paragraph:

The forum its self

*itself :P


Thanks, and I'd never rally paid attention to the difference between its self and itself, believing the latter to simply be a compression of the former, but a Google search reveals you to be absolutely correct.
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#37 SEC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 10:34 PM

Very nice, actually. I love it! :D

Favorite line:

The ‘naughty hole’ turned out to be Fawful’s mouth, and the remaining beer splashed into it obediently.


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#38 Druid TC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 10:45 PM

I gotta say, you're good at leaving cliffhangers that really leave the reader wanting more. :3

Waiting on the edge of my seat for the next chapter, as usual.


So you like the cliffhangers? Then you'll both be pleased to know that chapter eight, which has just been added, has TWO!

On a less promising note, it would appear that I am no longer able to edit the first post. It just returns 'ERROR: You must enter a post'.

Edited by Druid TC, 08 September 2012 - 10:49 PM.

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#39 Desttinghim

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 10:53 PM

This is really good! I want to now what happens next now, if this were a book I would spend all day reading it, from the beginning to the end.
+1
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#40 SEC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 10:57 PM

On a less promising note, it would appear that I am no longer able to edit the first post. It just returns 'ERROR: You must enter a post'.


You can PM the new chapter to me, and I'll edit the first post for you. :happy:
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#41 Druid TC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 11:04 PM

You can PM the new chapter to me, and I'll edit the first post for you. :happy:



That means that you've reached the post character limit. I hope SEC will be able to get around that...


I appreciate the offer, but that's not really a permanent solution - I constantly change the chapters that are there. Sometime I add paragraphs, sometimes just single words and typo corrections. I would hate to have to call upon you every time I write a misplaced apostrophe. The new chapter fits just fine, but I cannot make a single edit; even adding a pair of italics returns the error. Would it be possible to duplicate that first post, so I can continue the story in a second one straight after? Or is it not possible to insert posts between existing ones?
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#42 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 11:07 PM

If you really wanted to, you could host the story elsewhere, like Google Docs, and just link to it in the thread.
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#43 Druid TC

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Posted 08 September 2012 - 11:52 PM

If you really wanted to, you could host the story elsewhere, like Google Docs, and just link to it in the thread.


Thanks, I've done that. The links can all be found on the front page. Never used Google Docs before, so let me know if they don't work as intended.

And any opinions on chapter eight?
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#44 Moogle-Girl

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Posted 09 September 2012 - 12:09 AM

Oh hey, I didn't even see you added it. *readread*

...OK right away the formatting is kind of bugging me. Either indent every paragraph or separate them with line breaks, not both. :P

...

...

Oh snap.

Dat twist...and dose cliffhangers. Hnnnng I have to know what happens next. Damn you, Druid. Damn you. XD

Now pardon me while I nitpick because I can't find anything wrong with it that isn't a small thing.

Nocturne, poker faced, eyes slightly narrowed, regarded him suspiciously.

This...just sounds awkward. Maybe rearrange things a bit?

...so Takagi went straight over there Several topics sat in what could be called the ‘middle’...

‘Nothing. No footprints, no hairs, nothing at all’

Missing periods. :P
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#45 speedchuck

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Posted 15 September 2012 - 04:13 AM

WAH! Update!
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#46 Druid TC

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Posted 15 September 2012 - 07:08 AM

WAH! Update!


As I mentioned in the first post, the holidays are now over, leaving me with only a fraction of the time I had originally put aside to write (what with homework and after-school-clubs etc.). But I will try to get something written this weekend, and will definitely not let the story die.

Edited by Druid TC, 22 September 2012 - 12:34 PM.

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#47 PoniesForPeace

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Posted 15 September 2012 - 09:42 PM

man i am totally waiting for this to be finished
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#48 Druid TC

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Posted 22 September 2012 - 04:29 PM

Yes. It's back.

Edited by Druid TC, 22 September 2012 - 07:44 PM.

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My Forum Fic (currently on prologue + ten chapters)

#49 speedchuck

speedchuck

    Because why not?

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 01:12 AM

That was awesome. Do continue!
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 SghHBkv.pngimage.png


#50 Druid TC

Druid TC

    Forever Floyd

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Posted 29 September 2012 - 05:12 PM

Another short chapter. Not much really happens, but it gives a taste of what is going to happen in the ensuing chapters.
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My Forum Fic (currently on prologue + ten chapters)