A story by a novelist who's name I can't remember,
As read by some guy on a forum
Once upon a time, there was a bunny. Today the bunny was very happy. This bunny was so happy because today was the bunny's birthday! And for the bunny's birthday, it got a bazooka! The bunny was overjoyed, and loved its bazooka. He did all sorts of things with the bazooka, like blow up the nest of Tara the Turkey, destroy the yard of Henry the Cow, and obliterate the pen of Porky the Pig! But, everyone else didn't like the bunny blowing up their homes, so they chased it into the barn! There, an argument ensued, with all the animals quarreling over which way they should kill the bunny.
"I say we should hang it!" said Henry.
"I think we should throw it off a cliff!" said Tara.
"I think we should put it into a blender and watch as its guts spill all over the barn! Then we should take his organs and mush them into a stew and sneak it into the goats food and laugh as they unknowingly eat another animal!" said Barkley, the dog. "... I found pills, and ate them." he continued.
While this was all going on, Porky, who was distraught from the recent destruction of his pen, had stolen the bunny's bazooka! He got up onto the table, put a red bandanna on his head, held the bazooka up high and shouted, "From now on, I shall be known as Hambo..."
(Little bit violent.)
Porky held his bazooka over his shoulders, and shot it right at Tara the Turkey's head!
"Gobble gobble, mother f-----." said Porky, as he pulled the trigger. The missile went flying through the barn, before embedding itself in the forehead of the innocent bird. It crushed Tara's head, and made her fly backwards into the wall, where the missile exploded! This caused the lower-half of Tara's body to explode, spilling her guts all over the barn, just as Barkley had described!
"OH GOD, I'm bleeding!!!" she screamed. "Jesus, what's going on! Why would you do something like this?" she continued. The animals discussed how she was still alive. "Why aren't any of you doing anything? Get help!" But the animals just continued to talk. It was Barkley, the dog, who ended her life, by making a post-lunch pre-dinner snack out of her neck.
It took a moment for the animals to take it all in. They stared at the lifeless body of Tara, as the blood that wasn't splattered all over the walls slowly pooled around her. Barkley started eating Tara's head, which was, as he later described, "delicious".
Porky, who couldn't understand why everybody was quiet and wasn't running away from him, coughed loudly. "Excuse me, your new master is speaking!" he proclaimed.
"Why'd you do it Porky?" asked Henry.
"Yeah, why? I thought we were killing the rabbit!" said Curtis, the horse.
"Stop calling me that! My name isn't Porky, it's Hambo! I just told you!" said Porky.
"Really, did you?" said Bella, the cat.
"Yeah, I swear I just did!" said Porky.
"Hey, the rabbit's gone!" exclaimed Curtis.
Indeed, Curtis was right, where the rabbit used to be now laid a small bag with a buck-toothed face drawn on it and two socks glued onto the top for ears.
"Well, I guess we'd better..." said Porky, whilst putting on sunglasses. "... Hop to it."
Edited by GamerPerson, 30 July 2012 - 05:59 PM.